Three boundaries to keep the right things “in”

Much has been written about the importance of setting boundaries, especially for those involved in a lot of different things and with a lot of aspirations. 

I used to balk at this, scoffing at the trendiness of saying “no” and wondering how setting boundaries could still be congruent to staying open to opportunities and new ideas. But over time I’ve realized that setting boundaries is less about keeping things out, and more about keeping the right things in.

Here are three boundaries I have found to be most helpful in staying productive and focused in my life and work.

1. Boundaries around my time

When I got my first executive job that came with an executive assistant, I was excited to delegate the tedium of scheduling meetings to her. I happily handed over the keys to my calendar and waited to suddenly feel more calm and focused. 

How shocked I was when the exact opposite thing happened. All of a sudden my calendar filled up with meetings, virtual chats, coffees and committee meetings that I never signed up for. Sometimes they were blocked together for 3+ hours at a time, giving me screen fatigue before 11 a.m. Sometimes they were spread all throughout the day, giving me just enough time between them to do… nothing - or nothing productive, anyway. 

After a couple months, I came up with a new system. I blocked at least two hours a day for deep work with no meetings, plus an hour for lunch. I completely blocked Friday - no meetings. I didn’t allow any meetings before 10 a.m. so I could start my day by focusing on ONE thing that was most important on that particular day, and give it its proper due. 

I also asked her to “batch” meetings together as much as possible, but no more than three hours at a time. So rather than a sprinkling of meetings throughout the day keeping me chained to my desk, I could knock out all my meetings together and still have a nice block of time left for deep work, or taking a walk, or learning something new. (This is a brilliant strategy that also applies to email-checking, as described by Tim Ferris.) 

I delegated a lot more to my team, giving me more time away from meetings and giving them opportunities to step up and develop their own leadership skills. 

A few other boundaries I introduced: My phone automatically goes on Do Not Disturb at 7 p.m., and I don’t look at my email inbox until at least 7 a.m. the next day. I also drastically limited evening or weekend work commitments, like sponsored-table dinners. 

So now the question is, what to do with all this extra free time? I use it for deep work as much as possible. Writing, planning, strategizing my org chart and future team needs, or  thinking ahead to big presentations. I also have much more time for meaningful connections with people I want to learn from or engage more with. 

We often worry that setting boundaries like this will make us seem aloof or like we’re slacking off, but I’ve found the opposite to be true. And notably, nothing truly important has fallen through the cracks. 

2. Boundaries around what I consume 

This is a subtle boundary, of which the impact is only evident over time. This one is about what to allow into your body, mind and space.  

It starts with what you physically consume. For example, almost all the time, but definitely on weekdays, I don’t drink alcohol, don’t eat late at night, eat very little sugar or processed foods. I try to limit caffeine to one espresso in the morning. I try to drink at least a gallon of water per day. This may seem a little overkill and unrelated to work, but feeling good and energized in your body is an absolute prerequisite to feeling creative and productive. It has made a huge difference in my sleep and my mood, which all matters for how I show up personally and professionally. 

You can also think about being more intentional with the content you consume, including music, blogs, TV and news. Carefully choose music and podcasts that give you the kind of energy or motivation you need on that particular day. For example, I don’t watch TV during the week at all, except the occasional funny Netflix show with my husband for usually no more than 30 mins. 

I’ve also curtailed my news consumption over the last few years, which may seem odd, given that I work in PR and communications. I used to read the newspaper, physically or digitally, every day as my very first activity. But I found that it was making me feel more stressed than “informed,” and when I cut out 90% of the news I was consuming, I missed... nothing. Big events in the world find a way to get to you. People will send you blogs and articles that you will find interesting. And the rest turns out to be just noise. 

3. Boundaries in my mind

Here’s the most important (and hardest) one of all. After a while, I noticed that even with all these new boundaries, I was still feeling frazzled a lot of the time. I realized that I was missing an important boundary – one for my inner world. 

I have to give credit to a regular meditation practice. As I meditated, I noticed all kinds of bothersome or negative thoughts creeping into my self-talk. I watched them go by and thought, I wouldn’t allow someone in my life to talk to me this way, so why should I let me talk to me this way?

I set a new boundary. No negativity. No rumination. No getting lost in past or future “what-ifs” at the expense of making progress on something right now. This is nearly impossible to do all of the time, but at least now I can have a little more awareness of when it’s happening. 

Like building any muscle, it hurts! But it does get stronger.